• from punching to dog walking, we count11 ridiculous arcade games from all over the world.11 - inu no osanpo, • do you wish you had a dog of your own?maybe your landlord won’t let you have pets, or maybe your parents have said no to youa million and one times, or maybe nintendogs just doesn’t cut it anymore, well this isthe game for you. • in english it translates to dog walkingand that’s not an abstract term like final fantasy, the game is about giving you theauthentic dog walking experience, without all the allergens.• but seriously, i cannot even fathom why anyone would want to walk on a treadmill andpretend to walk a dog, it just doesn’t make
any sense, but then again: japan.10 - sonic blast heroes, • imagine a strength testing game exceptadd in a bunch of weird rules and graphics and you have sonic blast heroes.• basically it’s a boxing game except without dodging or blocking and if you goto taito’s website they’re advertising a brand new version, except all they addedwas some safety features. • but hey, how often do you get to puncha t-rex in the face? well reasonably often, but i guess the weirdness of what you’repunching makes it a little less dumb. 9 - cow milking game,• in this game you insert your coins, sit on a stool and milk some fake, but oddly realisticlooking udders.
• i don’t really know how you get a highscore, maybe it’s for speed? all i know is that this isn’t designed to teach youhow to properly milk a cow, it’s designed to be a game for fun.• i know when i think of fun, i think of gripping and tugging tubes of rubber undera hunk of fibreglass and metal, don’t you? 8 - turnip strength tester,• this one’s from soviet era russia, and it’s basically another strength testinggame, except instead of hitting a punching bag, you pull on a lever, thing.• of course since it’s from a bygone era there’s no fancy graphics, or any graphicsat all apart from a digital score display. • the weirdest thing about this is thatit’s based on an old russian folk tale where
a kid can’t pull a turnip out of the ground,and that’s why it’s called the turnip strength tester.7 - amusement washing machine, • so instead of shoving your clothes inthe machine and forgetting about it for about an hour, this washing machine requires youto complete a game in order to get your clothes to clean.• if you suck at the game you need to insert more coins, otherwise your clothes won’tbe properly washed. • i can see this being a fun thing to doin a laundromat, but honestly i’d rather just mess around on my phone and not riskthe whole process take longer than it needs to.6 - the tablecloth hour,
• you know that party trick where you setup a table (cloth, plates, cups and all) and then pull the table cloth out at just theright speed, at just the right angle and all the cups and plates stay pretty much wherethey were without spilling anything? • well japan has made an arcade game outof it, for some reason. • i’ll admit i’d play this if i sawit, but i’d only do so once and then never again, the only thing about the table clothtrick is that it’s somewhat impressing, but getting a high-score in this won’t impressanyone and it’s almost certainly not very fun.5 - wall street, • no it’s not based on the movie and it’snot a number crunching maths based game either,
it’s a game where you try and catch suicidalstockbrokers as they jump out of windows from the umpteenth story.• but then it gets weirder, afterwards you run around maze-levels as a stock broker shootinglightning bolts from your hands and collecting money and girls.• this just reeks of an idea made from having a little too much fun with illicit materials,if not then i fear for the creator’s sanity. 4 - marine catcher,• those claw games you see all the time where you get stuffed animals are kinda shitty,i always feel like it’s less about skill and more about the machine choosing to letme win and even when i do win i get a 40 cent plushy toy that i didn’t really want anyway.• but luckily marine catcher fixes that
last part, instead of getting more clutter,you can catch some dinner in the most unorthodox way since dynamite fishing.• that’s right, this crane machine includes live lobsters for you to catch, of coursesince the crane moves so slowly and the lobsters move fast it’s almost impossible to catchthem. 3 - tsukkomi yousei gips nice tsukkomi,• slap stick comedy is one of the earliest types of comedy, it’s right up there withfart and penis jokes, but for the first time you get to play a slap stick comedy game!• the hapless man watching the machine you play on needs to get slapped by you in orderto proceed through the game, how do you lose you ask? i don’t have a clue, maybe notslapping him hard enough or something?
• there’s very little in the way of informationabout this game in english, i’m not even certain i have the right name for it, buteither way i know enough about to know that i have no clue how it’s a game people wouldwant to pay for. 2 - cho chabudai gaeshi,• also known as super table flip, it’s based on a japanese… thing, where if a person,usually a father, gets angry he flips the dinner table over ruining it for everyone.• miyamoto described this as an old fashioned japanese father act of destroying a family,so naturally you want to turn this into an arcade game right?• obviously it’s not made by miyamoto himself, but still, it’s an utterly ridiculousgame that not even the japanese enjoy playing.
1 - boong-ga boong-ga• this game is made by south korea, designed for japan, so obviously it involves turningyour fingers into the shape of a gun and shoving it up an animatronic anus.• but that’s not all it includes, you can also slap that arse, and that’s actuallyit, that’s the entirety of this game, anal fingering and butt spanking.• then at the end of the game you get a card that rates you on, and i quote this,‘sexual behaviours’, people who do especially well get a small plastic poop.
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